Friday, July 28, 2006

Family Picture Day

(Originally posted on Friday, July 28, 2006 by Tim)

Today we decided to make a family picture. This was more of an epic experience than you might expect. First off, I haven?t had a haircut in months. My morning started with a trip to Walmart where there is a Cost Cutters.

Yes, I know that Walmart is evil.

Usually I get my hair cut in Radford, but I need an appointment for that. I would have made one earlier in the week, but I can?t seem to remember the name of my stylist. This makes it a little embarrassing to call in my appointments.

Me: ?Hi, I?d like to make an appointment to get my hair cut.?

Stylist on the phone: ?Ok, who would you like to make an appointment with??

Me: ?Um?I can?t ever seem to remember her name. She?s the crazy woman down by the window who?s always complaining about her ex-husband.?

Stylist on the phone: ?Oh, hi Tim! I can get you at 3 pm. I?ll make sure the scissors are good and sharp.?

Once my hair was cut, I had to break the bad news to Cat. Not only would she have to wake up, but she?d have to shower and put on nice clothes as well. This process took something on the order of two hours.

Many parents get a professional photographer for these sorts of pictures. Unfortunately, that won?t work in our family because Johann genes are involved. My family has the dreaded anti-photogenic gene. This is particularly evident in wedding pictures. Having been married twice, I actually have two sets of these for comparison. In both cases, my family members have closed eyes, open mouths, and generally goofy looks. In contrast, the other family sports the relaxed happy smiles you see on television anchorpersons and on models in magazines.

Another example of my anti-photogenicity is the picture I have up at work and on my web page. This photo was taken by the department secretary who frankly snuck up on me. I thought it looked pretty good, actually really good for me, but I wanted something that didn?t have a diet coke can in the picture. I convinced the secretary to hold off on the photo so that I could have Cat get a better one of me. Thirty photos later, we still didn?t have one in which I didn?t look either goofy or psychotic. I?m not sure whether the Johann anti-photogenic gene is dominant or recessive. We will have to see how things turn out for Dalton.

It?s the anti-photogenic gene that keeps us from being able to use a professional photographer. The sheer number of photos that would need to be taken to obtain one where we all look decent would drive any professional insane. They just wouldn?t agree to it. For that sort of imposition, we needed family. I?d like to thank Cat?s parents for their patience with us today. The final family portrait is shown above. If you want a good laugh, you can view the attempts in this electronic album. I deleted a few, my hard drive isn?t infinite in size, but most of them are included.

No comments:

Post a Comment