Yeah Right

(Originally posted on Thursday, June 9, 2005 by Tim)

I have to write in here more often, or go to Roanoke Airport less, or both. Two posts in a row focused on our travel woes seems like a bit much.

Cat and I are on our way to CA once again. This time we're off for her to walk at graduation and to vacation with her parents for a few days. I'm looking forward to relaxing, eating good food, and spending some time with Cat's folks. However, to get to CA, we have to go through the purgatory that is Roanoke airport. This time we decided to double curse ourselves by choosing Roanoke and the corporate disaster that is United Airlines.

I could speculate that United is yet another terrorist organization trying to drain the productivity from this great land of ours. However, I have yet to see a United employee throwing ducks at landing Delta jets, so I have to conclude that they¡¦re just hopelessly disorganized.

For today¡¦s adventure, we were trying to get to Dulles to catch a connection to LAX. Before we even left the house we were pretty much doomed. The flight we were taking to Dulles comes into Roanoke and then flies back again. When Cat looked up information on that flight, it listed as "Delayed due to equipment swap." I don't think basic math skills are highly valued at United (can you say bankruptcy proceedings). The incoming flight was delayed by 2 hours and our outgoing flight on the same plane was listed as A OK on time! Hold on, it gets better.

We jump in the car and Cat calls United on her cell phone. It begins with her fighting with their voice recognition system.

Cat: 8077
(pause)
Cat: no
(pause)
Cat: 8077
(pause)
Cat: No
(pause)
Cat: 8077
(pause)
Cat: NO!

I couldn't hear the computer on the other end, but I think I can extrapolate from what Cat was saying. I'd like to thank Mom and Dad for all those expensive years of college, without which I would be unable to accomplish intellectual feats such as this.

Too Happy Computer Guy: Welcome to the United Automated Arrival/Departure system. What flight number?

Cat: 8077

Too Happy Computer Guy: 1775? Did you know that 1775 was the year that the first vintage port was created?

Cat: no

Too Happy Computer Guy: Amazing huh? How many bottles do you think were made that year?

Cat: 8077

Too Happy Computer Guy: That is a whole lot of bottles. They had not quite developed automated bottling methods back then. Do you really think it was that many?

Cat: No

Too Happy Computer Guy: I always get distracted when people start talking about port wines. What was the flight number again?

Cat: 8077

Too Happy Computer Guy: Speaking of port, we have a lovely steak tartar that we server on westbound flights. It is served with the United house port. Shall I replace your reserved vegetarian meal?

Cat: NO!

Well, more adventures have ensued which have resulted in our staying overnight at Brian and Anduin's house this evening (thanks Brian). We're still hoping to get Cat to graduation on time tomorrow. Wish us luck!